here I am, strung out on marginal amounts of sleep, drunk from (a) beer on an empty stomach, writing to reddit’s relationship advice board at 5AM. i’m staring at the little 2”x5” text box trying to figure out what superfluous details about the last three years of my love life can be cut from my dissertation of a post so people don’t stop reading halfway through and mash “too long; didn’t read” in the comment box. the little white alien up in the corner with his cupid’s bow — a cartoon mascot that, ironically, personifies the bane of mine and countless others’ love lives — beckons me to compact some of the best and worst experiences I’ve had with the opposite sex into 500 words or less. here i am falling back on the mantras of my education as a writer, attempting to get my point across while considering my audience at the same time? i know my audience all too well: i’m a button press away from asking a horde of fat depressed gen x’ers, professional internet trolls, and goddamn children for relationship advice — not necessarily because i need it, but because i simply want to hear someone else tell me how to do what i already know i need to do.
I realize all of this as my cursor hovers over the submit button. jesus christ, i am really doing this. do I really honestly think this is a good idea? three hours ago i thought it was tuesday before realizing that yes, i have completely forgotten about the past three days. holy shit.
that could have been embarrassing.